Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
