i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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