You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
