Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
