Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
