You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
