DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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