i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
