OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
