I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
