Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
