you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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