I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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