no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
