if i can run in heels then i can drive
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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