we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
