Ambien. No doubt about it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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