I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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