we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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