WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
