worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
