We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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