lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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