the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
