Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize