I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
