Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Umm I'm too high to move.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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