haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize