The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
