I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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