Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
