Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
