i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
