Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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