Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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