Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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