Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
