Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
