im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
