dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
