well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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