she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
