Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize