he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
