Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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