Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
