she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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