my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
should my penis look like a turkey
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
