If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
