Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
