My first STD was from a foam party
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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