The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
