Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
