if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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