i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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