I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
