Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
