You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I could fuck to npr.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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