I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
