At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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