I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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