I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
