he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize