Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
