fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
