I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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