Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
