I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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