I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
