We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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