Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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