Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
